Why you should never say: I love you
These three words are as lethal and as loaded as ‘I’m sorry’. The weight behind the afore-mentioned phrase is elephant in proportion and as over-used as the Hallmark cards it’s printed on.
I have witnessed the ‘I love you’ used on many a battlefield. The first time it is said is typically akin to a long-fire, patiently judged shot to the heart. Ever after, watch for the quick-fire succession of ‘I love you’s’.
You know when a death of a relationship is closing in – you’ll be ambushed by this three-word statement. It is used to induce guilt and offer the attacker a perverse sense of elation and smug victory.
Before I continue… I am not bitter, twisted, mad or sad. I just lament the days when ‘I love you’ was sacred. It had yet to become commercialised. There were no tacky teddy bears with shiny hearts emblazoned with a slogan as fluffy as the filling.
And in the days where domestic bliss was untouched by political correctness, it was a free expression of love. It was innocent, pure and private – just meant for two.
There were no cringe-worthy, yet strangely watch able couch-jumping declarations of it on Oprah. And for us non-celebs, it didn’t come with any notion of practicalities like a pre-nup.
Love doesn’t seem like love to me.
I worry that as soon as I say the words, I will destroy what I have co-created. I am cautious it will become a cliché. But most of all, I fear that it will mean less and less the more I say it.
And why not feel this way? I see it has become everything it is not: manipulative, deceptive and shallow. It has become a yardstick to the success of a relationship, rather than a beautiful consequence of it.
It has lost its way.
I have witnessed the ‘I love you’ used on many a battlefield. The first time it is said is typically akin to a long-fire, patiently judged shot to the heart. Ever after, watch for the quick-fire succession of ‘I love you’s’.
You know when a death of a relationship is closing in – you’ll be ambushed by this three-word statement. It is used to induce guilt and offer the attacker a perverse sense of elation and smug victory.
Before I continue… I am not bitter, twisted, mad or sad. I just lament the days when ‘I love you’ was sacred. It had yet to become commercialised. There were no tacky teddy bears with shiny hearts emblazoned with a slogan as fluffy as the filling.
And in the days where domestic bliss was untouched by political correctness, it was a free expression of love. It was innocent, pure and private – just meant for two.
There were no cringe-worthy, yet strangely watch able couch-jumping declarations of it on Oprah. And for us non-celebs, it didn’t come with any notion of practicalities like a pre-nup.
Love doesn’t seem like love to me.
I worry that as soon as I say the words, I will destroy what I have co-created. I am cautious it will become a cliché. But most of all, I fear that it will mean less and less the more I say it.
And why not feel this way? I see it has become everything it is not: manipulative, deceptive and shallow. It has become a yardstick to the success of a relationship, rather than a beautiful consequence of it.
It has lost its way.
posted by Zap at
10:57 pm
1 Comments:
On February 9, 1984 an editorial in The New York Times gave the number of Inuit words for 'snow' as 100.
How many meanings are there to the word Love?
It's my favorite word of all the words in the universe. Simple, short yet rich while so often deceiving. Love can hurt you; cut you deeper than the sharpest blade; while at the same time it can heal wounds now green with undernourished decay. On the outside you can love, while on the inside you canker. You can love from deep within while outwardly your bitterness is sharp to taste.
I agree whole heartedly with the sentiment of your post - too often this most powerful of words is thrown around, misused and hence lies undervalued. Something to do with our throwaway society I wonder.
Comfort however can surely be taken from that feeling inside which glows when you know that love is kindling. Growing. Be it "in love", "love", "I love you", "you love me", "I feel so much love", for person, people, friend, enemy or earth... fuckit... even life its self. When you compare different loves to lovers, suddenly perspective can be drawn. At least, it works for me. Selah.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home