Shedding skin

I thought I could do it, but I can’t.

In the attempt to be someone I am not, it has actually brought out my neurotic side. Thankfully it is temporary and nothing a hot bath can’t fix.

I can not be a doting girlfriend. I cannot spend all my time with him. With a huge sigh of relief, I realise he cannot do it either.

That’s another reason why I have loving thoughts for the guy. He gets me.

Somehow along the way I bought into the fact that in order for it to be ‘romantical’ it had to be 24/7. It was the intensity that cemented the relationship. It was the timesheet of love – the hours acquired, the small breaks in between that determined the health of the relationship.

But after striving to do that, I have realized, I have made myself quite sick in the pursuit of it. I lost the ability to function healthily without him, I lost the nourishment of friendship and I did not feel the exciting butterflies touching my insides when I was spontaneous.

Instead I felt burdened by the weight of expectations. I felt I had to perform beyond the expectations I had. I felt I had to fulfil the requirements I had conceived society would want me to. In short, I compared and contrasted my relationship to theirs.

Never did I look within and see I have a semi-annoying, but patient guy holding my hand while I nagged him down the street.

So, tonight I peel off some layers of expectations. Because he is worth the tears of onion skin, but he deserves more. Less tears, more action.