How do you separate the wash?
So after a month with Doctor Chardonnay and a few sobering sessions with friends, I have broken free of the pattern of bad weather. A cheesy expression I know – but sums it up just about right.
The practicalities have been dealt with: his clothes from my house removed, cleansing process of my room sorted. Thank you Mr Muscle Domestic Cleaner. The word is also out: we are no longer a couple, and hence exist as separate entities.
Done and dusted.
Just one lingering dust particle remains. Who are my friends and who are his?
This is not a difficult debacle or a bitter pill to swallow – it’s far more complex than that.
When times were rosy I embarked on the social circuit of his friends. And for the most part his companions were genuine, sweet and thoroughly likeable people. I got along well with them because I chose to put my best foot forward – I gave them me. It was an uncensored, unassuming me that took them on face value and not as his friends.
Of course, I was worried about judgement day. No one likes knowing that their partner’s friends can’t stand you. But I knew the only way to pass the test was to side-step people pleasing and see that they could spot a fake a mile away.
And in the end – I liked them as them.
So, do you give up friendships based on past associations?
Is it acceptable to continue a friendship with your ex’s friends? Or are you meant to let this go as well?
It seems such a shame to do this when based on such genuine feelings they became my friends too. It was hardly like I was pretending that I got along with them so well.
But is there a ‘loyalty line’ I am crossing?
If I can move on should I assume that my friends and my ex could too? Is it reasonable to expect resurrecting these friendships once based on the premise that I was a couple can still healthily exist? Or is it an umbilical cord to an old me that I should let go?
In a way I hope not. Because I like to think that even when in a relationship I still existed as me – my own separate being that could forge friendships based on who I was and what I stood for. And I hope that these mutual friends felt the same genuine motivation in knowing me. I certainly didn’t spot a fake Fendi-friend.
Well, I guess I’ll stick to the motto if it’s not fake, then keep it real.
The practicalities have been dealt with: his clothes from my house removed, cleansing process of my room sorted. Thank you Mr Muscle Domestic Cleaner. The word is also out: we are no longer a couple, and hence exist as separate entities.
Done and dusted.
Just one lingering dust particle remains. Who are my friends and who are his?
This is not a difficult debacle or a bitter pill to swallow – it’s far more complex than that.
When times were rosy I embarked on the social circuit of his friends. And for the most part his companions were genuine, sweet and thoroughly likeable people. I got along well with them because I chose to put my best foot forward – I gave them me. It was an uncensored, unassuming me that took them on face value and not as his friends.
Of course, I was worried about judgement day. No one likes knowing that their partner’s friends can’t stand you. But I knew the only way to pass the test was to side-step people pleasing and see that they could spot a fake a mile away.
And in the end – I liked them as them.
So, do you give up friendships based on past associations?
Is it acceptable to continue a friendship with your ex’s friends? Or are you meant to let this go as well?
It seems such a shame to do this when based on such genuine feelings they became my friends too. It was hardly like I was pretending that I got along with them so well.
But is there a ‘loyalty line’ I am crossing?
If I can move on should I assume that my friends and my ex could too? Is it reasonable to expect resurrecting these friendships once based on the premise that I was a couple can still healthily exist? Or is it an umbilical cord to an old me that I should let go?
In a way I hope not. Because I like to think that even when in a relationship I still existed as me – my own separate being that could forge friendships based on who I was and what I stood for. And I hope that these mutual friends felt the same genuine motivation in knowing me. I certainly didn’t spot a fake Fendi-friend.
Well, I guess I’ll stick to the motto if it’s not fake, then keep it real.
posted by Zap at
9:37 pm
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