Grey matters
If life gave me a manual I wouldn’t be the confused person I am.
The closest I’ve ever got is a driver’s manual… and still I was confused. Giving way? But what happens if you think the person that got to the intersection second looks nicer than you, or is in more of a hurry?
I always let them go first; even though in black and white print it told me not to.
I wonder if my parents who embraced hippie-love would be mortified to know that our generation, in some weird kind of rebellion, have embraced the black and white rules that they fought against.
For a lot of people it just seems easier.
The code of conduct – morals heading into the 2000’s got a lot more complicated. No wonder rules are an easy and comforting security blanket.
Morals are a minefield of newfound liberty, equalising of the genders and uncertain freedom walked by an unsteady foot.
For example – relationships.
Being the middleman in a break-up is never a busy bar you would choose to buy a drink.
Finding yourself in the middle of two friends about to call it quits is never going to be ideal. It is hard not to hear both sides of the story and not pass judgement. And then you have last orders when one party decides to tell you that they have moved on.
Is it my responsibility to tell the ‘other half’ that ‘one half’ has moved on?
Questions of morals and loyalty interweave a detailed web of introspection and self-evaluation. If the shoe were on ‘my foot’ I would want to know the ugly truth – even if it is last orders.
Maybe that’s why with a bit of Dutch courage, I thought about my sense of morals first.
It would be easier to stay for another drink and see their relationship on paper for the black and white rules that we cling onto. Maybe it could work? Maybe over time? Maybe with a bit of post-rationalisation it could be all right? But would it really?
I think that rules can be broken. And in relationships it is the only time we can thrive in the grey area. But, sometimes…. Just sometimes looking at the black and the white it is the only way forward.
So I said to my friend the best piece of advice I have ever had given to me: do whatever you can to get over them. And if it means calling them up to 20 times a day – do it.
There are no hard and fast rules to breaking up. It is just the grey area of leaving someone behind that you have to get through.
The closest I’ve ever got is a driver’s manual… and still I was confused. Giving way? But what happens if you think the person that got to the intersection second looks nicer than you, or is in more of a hurry?
I always let them go first; even though in black and white print it told me not to.
I wonder if my parents who embraced hippie-love would be mortified to know that our generation, in some weird kind of rebellion, have embraced the black and white rules that they fought against.
For a lot of people it just seems easier.
The code of conduct – morals heading into the 2000’s got a lot more complicated. No wonder rules are an easy and comforting security blanket.
Morals are a minefield of newfound liberty, equalising of the genders and uncertain freedom walked by an unsteady foot.
For example – relationships.
Being the middleman in a break-up is never a busy bar you would choose to buy a drink.
Finding yourself in the middle of two friends about to call it quits is never going to be ideal. It is hard not to hear both sides of the story and not pass judgement. And then you have last orders when one party decides to tell you that they have moved on.
Is it my responsibility to tell the ‘other half’ that ‘one half’ has moved on?
Questions of morals and loyalty interweave a detailed web of introspection and self-evaluation. If the shoe were on ‘my foot’ I would want to know the ugly truth – even if it is last orders.
Maybe that’s why with a bit of Dutch courage, I thought about my sense of morals first.
It would be easier to stay for another drink and see their relationship on paper for the black and white rules that we cling onto. Maybe it could work? Maybe over time? Maybe with a bit of post-rationalisation it could be all right? But would it really?
I think that rules can be broken. And in relationships it is the only time we can thrive in the grey area. But, sometimes…. Just sometimes looking at the black and the white it is the only way forward.
So I said to my friend the best piece of advice I have ever had given to me: do whatever you can to get over them. And if it means calling them up to 20 times a day – do it.
There are no hard and fast rules to breaking up. It is just the grey area of leaving someone behind that you have to get through.
posted by Zap at
9:03 pm
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