The incredible difficulties of not knowing what’s right
Where is left and where is right, is something that doesn’t come naturally to me. It never has. I have failed in recalling those little tricks: look at the L shape your hand makes – that is left.
I experience a mild form of panic on a daily basis that a situation will arise where I have to instantly stipulate a left or a right, in fear of being exposed as the village idiot.
Tourists on Oxford Circus standing still, questioning maps and looking eagerly for a friendly eye to offer directions sends my stomach on the spin cycle. I am afraid I cannot fulfil my duties as a welcoming Londoner; I must look rudely down and walk on. I am of no use to you – my visitors.
A far greater pitfall is a trip to the optometrists. It is a rapid-fire drill of look to your left, down, right, up, and now left again. Oh my, does my brain go AWOL on these occasions. Needless to say my drill sergeant was left bemused as to how a fully functioning, adult member of society can fail such a basic task of knowing their left from their right.
Further 'mental issues' arising from this malfunction of basic knowledge is giving directions over the phone to friends. The point of reaching X often results in a snake-like journey and sporadic conversations involving random landmarks to pull off mission impossible.
As you can see I am grossly disadvantaged in life.
And much to your surprise and mine, I am discovering I am not the only one. It is a healthy dose of naturally induced ecstasy to stumble upon a ‘non-comprehendus sufferer’. In a flurry of excitement and relief we divulge our tales of horror and battle wounds. It’s not easy living a life where right and left is just so impossibly hard to grasp.
So, I believe I am the first member of the LR anonymous support group. I am here to share, support and nurture any other fellow individual with this similar shortcoming. Come forth and expose yourself in moving forward with haste. We will get some direction to our lives whether it is a left or a right turn we must take.
I experience a mild form of panic on a daily basis that a situation will arise where I have to instantly stipulate a left or a right, in fear of being exposed as the village idiot.
Tourists on Oxford Circus standing still, questioning maps and looking eagerly for a friendly eye to offer directions sends my stomach on the spin cycle. I am afraid I cannot fulfil my duties as a welcoming Londoner; I must look rudely down and walk on. I am of no use to you – my visitors.
A far greater pitfall is a trip to the optometrists. It is a rapid-fire drill of look to your left, down, right, up, and now left again. Oh my, does my brain go AWOL on these occasions. Needless to say my drill sergeant was left bemused as to how a fully functioning, adult member of society can fail such a basic task of knowing their left from their right.
Further 'mental issues' arising from this malfunction of basic knowledge is giving directions over the phone to friends. The point of reaching X often results in a snake-like journey and sporadic conversations involving random landmarks to pull off mission impossible.
As you can see I am grossly disadvantaged in life.
And much to your surprise and mine, I am discovering I am not the only one. It is a healthy dose of naturally induced ecstasy to stumble upon a ‘non-comprehendus sufferer’. In a flurry of excitement and relief we divulge our tales of horror and battle wounds. It’s not easy living a life where right and left is just so impossibly hard to grasp.
So, I believe I am the first member of the LR anonymous support group. I am here to share, support and nurture any other fellow individual with this similar shortcoming. Come forth and expose yourself in moving forward with haste. We will get some direction to our lives whether it is a left or a right turn we must take.
posted by Zap at
7:58 pm
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